Previously, on THINGAWEAK…
AND NOW, The Stunning Conclusion to Mega-Spooky Doom-Skull of Inappropriate Nudity, just in time for Halloween:
OK, so at this point you should have a pair of eyes but nowhere to stick em, and nothing to stick em with. Ain’t that always the fuckin’ way? Well if you started this project without a skull to put the eyes into, and just figured I’d show you how to Magickck one out of raw firmament… you’re right!
Go to your kitchen and get a big knife, a plastic grocery bag, a lighter, and some flammable liquid. If you have one of those motorized turkey carvers grab that too). Now go downtown and find a hobo. Be very careful when sneaking up on it, each strand of a hobo’s hair is actually a tiny eye stalk, so the ones with the wildest hair can see in many directions at once. The first thing to do upon initiating your attack is to SEPARATE THE HOBO FROM ITS BINDLE AND BURN THE BINDLE. I cannot stress this enough. An average bindle contains anywhere from 200-300 Hobo Eggs, any of which is fully capable of turning you into a shambling incubator with an unquenchable thirst for Thunderbird.
Bindle taken care of? Good! The hobo is almost certainly circling you with its jaw distended and its rows of fangs glistening with ichor. Within moments it will begin shrieking a summons to its unholy kin, so now is the time to act!
Thrust the knife repeatedly at an upward angle in between the plates of its thorax until the Hobo has stopped moving. Now detach its head however you see fit and scuttle on home. There are plenty of flesh-stripping / bone bleaching tutorials out there on the internet, so I feel no need to explain that bit to you. Point is, you now have a skull. If you’d planned ahead just a little, you’d have picked a plastic one up from your local discount store last Halloween, but there’s no point in crying over spilled hobo. Seriously. They wouldn’t cry for you even if they had the appropriate glands to do so, don’t trouble yourself overmuch. ONWARD. Depending on the kind of skull you’ve acquired, you’ll need different tools to get inside. The end result should be removing the top-rear quadrant of the skull and clearing out the eye-sockets (assuming this is not done already) as pictured. (more…)