I’m sorry I haven’t updated for damn near 2 months. Yeah, I’ve been in a coma or something. Why am I finally back? It was a little piece of fan mail that made me realize I could no longer deprive you of Weak Things. It went a little something like this:
From: BigKaz
Subject: Dinner
David,
Your mother asked me tor remind you to bring back her Tupperware when you come to dinner this Sunday. Also, I wouldn’t mind seeing my circular saw, glue gun, basin wrench, dado bits, air compressor, mini sledge, miter box, sawzall, ratchet ties, plunge router or angle grinder again before I die. You can’t still need all that stuff for your silly website, can you?
Yes “BigKaz,” you’ll be happy to know that I “Still need all that stuff.” This silly website gets over 4 hits a day! Not Including me! Besides, I’m sure you have a good couple of years left in you, whomever you may be.
Anyway, on to the stuff. 2 whole things this week, although maybe “whole” is a bit grandiose. I think it’s fairly clear that I haven’t taken this much time between postings to concentrate on quality.
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Thing #1 
HAM HOLES DOT COM
The Glorious and Long-Awaited Launch of HamHoles.com! I suppose I never really took the life-lesson of “not spending money on idiotic things” to heart. How else to explain my purchase of yet another domain name? I suppose I could say I was just doing my part to block a potentially very creepy porn site from gaining a toehold on the internet, but that’s just silly. No, actually it’s the future platform for a daring new performance art piece where I dig a hole in your yard, fill it with pork, then charge you $20,000 after my friend Alice breaks your soul with impressive art terminology. Yes, in fact we can perform at birthday parties. |
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Thing #2
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ahole anus ash0le ash0les asholes ass Ass Monkey Assface assh0le assh0lez … and so on, at great length, covering a wide variety of sexual and racial epithets as well as various colorful spellings thereof. Somewhere in the middle was a link to buy salvia, which I gather was the point, assuming there was a point at all.